I am thankful for having had the privilege of staying home with Sage and Aspen full time until just a few months ago. I always knew it was a privilege (despite the long hours and overall thanklessness that comes with the job) but the privileged feeling more recently came to fruition upon my return to work.
For a long time TGIF meant nothing to me. How I feel it and understand it now. How I relish the weekend...the laziness....the LACK of schedule. Monday always come too quickly but I am extremely thankful for my great job that has great hrs, great pay and is 5 miles from our house.
I miss Zumba though...gotta figure out a way to get it in there. Working out in my bedroom just isn't cutting it. Plus all the cute outfits are just collecting dust....hmmm......

Tonight I went ice skating with Sage. It's amazing when joy fills my heart unexpectedly and overwhelms it to the point of having to catch my breath. Every part of my being feels different than it used to. Happiness, whatever that is, feels different. Joy, feels different. Sadness, depression, it all feels different. Or maybe, I am different.

Yesterday marked 17 days of work in a row for me. It's been almost 8 years since I "worked" 40 hours a week. Quoting worked because a SAHM works more than that...add to that Pastor's Wife and Wife and Accountant...and well, I guess I was probably working more than 40 hrs during all those years.
BUT, today marks my first day off in 17 days after going back to work---for reals---like, I get a pay check.
I wanted to celebrate last night. Everyone was asleep in the house. I had some options...sulk with myself or venture out alone for a beer and listen to some live music somewhere. So, I got all dressed up and ready to go and then opened the front door---uh---I guess the storm finally decided to hit. A little snow isn't gonna keep me from celebrating-I determined. Off I went..10pm at night...can barely see driving on the road...adventurous? craziness?
I decided against driving into town because I am sure I would have ended up in a ditch somewhere-dead--maybe not so bad, okay, not a real suicide thought there, just rambling.
I opted for a local bar instead. But the parking lot was empty save one car. Not what I was looking for. I had to laugh--at myself and the situation. But mostly it felt good to take care of myself--even if what I wanted to happen didn't.
Playing a victim (life happens to me) gets me no where. Playing an active role in my life....now that is something.